Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
