I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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