what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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