Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
