And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
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