She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
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how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
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Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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