I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
