My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
smell my finger.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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