you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
