dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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