all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
