#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You ruined the universe
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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