i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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