moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
