he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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