i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
