You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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