I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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