Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
