A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
