I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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