My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
