She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize