I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
