Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
