You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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