you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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