Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
