Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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