I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
