i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
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She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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