You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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