so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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