non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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