I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
