if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
