I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
