You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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