i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
