Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
