oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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