and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
