Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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