I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
