i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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