I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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