As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
