I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
