I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
