Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
