gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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