He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
zippers are such a cool invention
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize