I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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