My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
