Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize