4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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