Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
