My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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