I want to have your abortion
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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