Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i now understand why vodka
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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