I think scott just propositioned me for sex
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
