A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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